Fear. Mistrust. Judgement. Anger. Pride.

I’m considering a month long experiment –  this morning in my quiet time I so enjoyed my extended time on the back porch with just a cup of coffee and the scripture, that I became disgusted with myself.

I realized that I am so lazy and waste so much time.  I remember a time – and not too long ago – when I passionately pursued my relationship with the Lord.  Where did that go?  How did I get to here?

Through some recent experiences and observations that have been placed before me, I have spent a bit of time reflecting and getting really honest with myself… Frankly, that can be a really scary place.   In that introspection, I didn’t like what I saw.  When I peel off the sanguine exterior and the professional demeanor, I have come to realize just how true the old saying “… you are what you eat…” is in my life.  Ha ha… not because I’ve become a cup of coffee or anything, but because of what my life has become… self absorbed, stressful, angry, and negative.  Those characteristics are NOT what I am nor what I want to be.  As a result of them, I’ve found myself more distanced from my family and friends and find myself a little lonely.

Those who know me, may not yet see it because mostly it stays on the inside, just simmering like a big pot of chili on low heat on the back eye of the stove.  But I know it’s there.  I know it wouldn’t take much for the pot to boil over and splatter that hot chili all over my kitchen and potentially on my family and friends.

How did it I get here?  Fear. Mistrust. Judgement. Anger. Pride.  These are my demons I battle regularly.  They seem to have the most impact when my life is hectic and God get’s pushed out of my schedule so I can watch TV.  There.. how’s that for being real? The idiot box is the prime source of everything negative, fearful, judgmental and self absorbing.  The other biggest source other people.  So many people are fearful, mistrusting, judgmental, angry, and self-absorbed… just like me.

This morning, I honestly and actually turned my own stomach.

So in my time with Daddy this morning, this little idea sprouted in my head…  (I’m fairly sure I know where it came from…  see James 1:17)

I’ve been captivated for the last several weeks on

Philippians 4:8 (The Message) Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse.

What would it look like if for 30 days, I intentionally chose to eliminate every form of extraneous, non-best,  input and influence from my life?  What if (where I have control) I replace every worldly noise clamoring for my attention with something that kept my attention and focus on the Lord?  What would that look like?

What if I renewed my mind with the God’s word in every way, shape, and form I could find?

Romans 12:2 (New King James Version) 2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

What if I bathed myself in that which was true, noble, just, pure, lovely, of good report, and praiseworthy?

What if I was intentional about not wasting any time and for 30 days specifically focused on ONE THING… SOMETHING SPECIFIC… – be it passion for Him, creativity, patience, wisdom, humility, mercy, etc. – for the next 30 days?

What if I consumed everything I could get from God with every spare moment?

I don’t know what it will look like, but I’m pretty excited about the journey.  Our pastor this morning quoted that God’s word is a “lamp unto my feet” (Psalms 119:105) and is meant to reveal the next step.

I wonder where my next step will be?

I will keep you posted on the journey….  It starts soon….

…Running After Papa



A broken spirit

Psalm 51:17

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

I’ve been meditating on this verse for the last few days and Papa has begun to show me that this verse depicts humility, total humility.  This is the antithesis verse (at least to me) for James 4:6 which says “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”

What God has shown me is that if I am not broken over my sin (whatever that sin might be – because God has no grading scale for sin, it’s either sin or it isn’t) then I am walking in pride.  If I am not broken over my sin, then my heart is calloused.

Daddy, I pray I am always broken over my sin and continually aware of just how offensive it is to you.  Help me to “sin no more” as Jesus commanded, but when I do, help me to always recognize the repulsiveness of my sin to You.

Faith like a child

Romans 4: 18-22 (NLT) 18 Even when there was no reason for hope, Abraham kept hoping—believing that he would become the father of many nations. For God had said to him, “That’s how many descendants you will have!” 19 And Abraham’s faith did not weaken, even though, at about 100 years of age, he figured his body was as good as dead—and so was Sarah’s womb. 20 Abraham never wavered in believing God’s promise. In fact, his faith grew stronger, and in this he brought glory to God. 21 He was fully convinced that God is able to do whatever he promises. 22 And because of Abraham’s faith, God counted him as righteous.

I don’t think I really, really understand faith.  I am convinced that “faith like a child” that Jesus spoke of is much simpler than I make it out to be, in all my maturity and wisdom. (sarcasm implied)

My son Jake understands faith.  I think he has faith like Abraham.  If God said it, that’s enough for him.  There are no questions and no doubts.  Just faith.  By the way, he’s 10 years old.

No, I think I’ve spent my whole life trying to squelch exactly what God puts in us as children.  I so wanted to be “grown up” and a “big boy” that, somehow, I’ve let my faith be tempered by reason, understanding, and feasibility.  OK… I just scared myself writing that down.  Check out what Jesus said on this very topic.

Matt 19:14 ESV 14 but Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.

Luke 10:21 NLT 21 At that same time Jesus was filled with the joy of the Holy Spirit, and he said, “O Father, Lord of heaven and earth, thank you for hiding these things from those who think themselves wise and clever, and for revealing them to the childlike. Yes, Father, it pleased you to do it this way.”

How foolish of me to think this way.  How prideful of me to think this way.  Do I really think God only works and can work in the confines of what I understand?  Do I really want a God that is limited by my own imagination? Not me.   Sometimes, I think Papa just sits up on his throne and says about me “Bless his cotton-pickin’ heart. He has NO IDEA what I am capable of.”

Lord, I repent of my sin… my idiotic pride that has led me down a limiting and narrow view of You.  I pray for faith.  Help me exercise my faith this week Lord.  I cast off all the preconceived ideas and pre-built boxes I’ve put you in being “religious” and “pious.”  Forgive me.  Fill me anew with your Holy Spirit and renew a right spirit within me.  Reignite the faith of a child within me.  Thank you for examples of faith such as Abraham. Help me be fully convinced as he was.  Thank you for a living example of faith in my son.  Help me be more like him.  If You said it… that’s enough.  In Jesus name I pray.  Amen.